How to respond when a friend is thinking about suicide
Suicide Prevention Awareness Month: September 2021
I’m writing this during National Suicide Prevention Week. Every September we build awareness about suicide, remember those we have lost to suicide, and learn to help those who are struggling with the thoughts of suicide.
If you are having thoughts about suicide or have a plan to commit suicide, please call 911, or the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, or text HOME to 741741 (the Crisis Text Line). It’s important that you get connected with a person trained to listen and help. These folks are prepared to walk with you through dealing with suicidal thoughts.
Suicide is a terrible thing. It’s a thought, desire, urge, or act of seeking to die. It is the 2nd leading cause of death for Americans age 10-34, [1] and yet we rarely talk about it. It seems taboo to admit to having thoughts of suicide, whether because of the anticipated responses, shame of suicidal thoughts, or the burden we fear our experience will place on others. These things do not disqualify the sufferer from sharing what they are going through; we all go through hard things, and it’s normal to need help in your suffering. We all need to talk about these issues.
So what do you do if you suspect a friend may be thinking about suicide? Thoughts of suicide often include a longing for a way out of current suffering, or for relief from what is happening in life, or something else that is unclear. In these moments, we need the presence and connection of another human to push back against the isolation and shame of suicidal thoughts.
There is a myth that asking someone about suicidal thoughts might put the idea in their head, but that isn’t true: it actually is very helpful to be able to open up and talk about these thoughts. Depression and suicidal thoughts can be incredibly isolating, and being connected to another human bring relief and support.
OK, so you worry that a friend is having thoughts about suicide. If they talk about feeling trapped, overwhelmed, or hopeless, or show reckless behavior, then they may be experiencing suicidal thoughts.
Here’s some steps to take, borrowed the Suicide Prevention Lifeline (https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/promote-national-suicide-prevention-month/):
Ask them: You can gently and directly ask them if they have thought about suicide. This helps break the isolation and taboo of struggling with these thoughts.
Stay with them: Listen, don’t offer judgment, and support them. You can’t solve their problem, but you can be present and patient. This is shown to help reduce the intensity of their depression, suicidal thoughts, and cultivates hope.
Help them stay safe: If they have a plan to commit suicide, you can intervene. This might mean taking a gun away, throwing away pills, or taking their car keys from them.
Connect them: Help them call a Lifeline, or sit with them while they call a counselor and set up an appointment, and offer to go to the first appointment with their counselor or doctor. Suicide risk is greatly reduced when the person is supported by a community of people.
Written by Stewart Brenegar, MA, PLPC
Resources:
This is another great resource for how to help: https://afsp.org/what-to-do-when-someone-is-at-risk
You can learn more about the risk factors and warning signs here: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/how-we-can-all-prevent-suicide/
The Crisis Text Line (text HOME to 741741) https://www.crisistextline.org/
National Alliance on Mental Illness: https://www.nami.org/get-involved/awareness-events/suicide-prevention-awareness-month
Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Phone and chat support, as well as lots of other resources! https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org
The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention: https://afsp.org/
[1] https://www.nami.org/get-involved/awareness-events/suicide-prevention-awareness-month